Four Days: My Healing Breakthrough on the New Series

By: Autumn Lucas for Ravoke.com

As I proceeded through Customs alone and boarded my first ever international flight to Costa Rica, I knew I was in for something big; I just didn’t realize yet just how BIG that something would be.

Everything leading up to that moment, the sum of 41 years of living through chronic illness, trauma, grief, abuse, abandonment, C-PTSD, breast cancer and now perimenopause had left me feeling alone, scared, and relatively isolated from my social circle and the world in general. I felt unrelatable because none of my friends had experienced many of the challenges I have faced. I felt hopeless, with nobody to talk to about the loss of my breasts or my night sweats, and certainly not my lack of libido despite having the most incredibly supportive and loving partner. Most of my friends still have very young children or are just starting their families while I already have grown children and am in the throes of transitioning into the later biological phase of my life while still being considered “young” by most standards.

I have been ignored, written off, and gaslit by so many people over the years. I was told I was too young to be perimenopausal by my primary care doctor. My severe GI symptoms were ignored and blown off for so long that it resulted in me going decades with undiagnosed and untreated celiac disease. I was turned away by a rheumatologist who dismissed my severe joint pain and swelling by telling me I was just depressed and had fibromyalgia (fast forward to now- it has been discovered that I had mold toxicity that was causing my severe joint pain and swelling, NOT fibromyalgia). I have even been accused by one of own family members of making up all my symptoms and ailments for attention. Being treated like this repeatedly over many decades beats a person down. It makes one feel hopeless, unseen, unimportant and broken, one chip away at a time.

Making the decision to be a part of this Menopause Series was a monumental one. I was just finishing up my cancer treatments when I was contacted about joining as a Cast Member. The past several years leading up to that phone call were filled of so much pain, fear, despair and uncertainty. Having been in survival mode for most of my life, I found myself at a precipice in this moment. Finally, I had found a glimmer of hope and possibly even change for the better. What could I have to lose?

Having never been a part of a film production, I truly did not know what I was walking into when I reached the filming location. I was nervous, unfamiliar with the area, knew nobody on set, had never traveled outside of the USA yet here I was being offered a gift I didn’t realize at the time that would change the trajectory of my life forever.

I found myself almost immediately surrounded by the most incredible group of doctors, authors, professionals, cast members and crew. Each person I encountered offered me a glimpse of hope I had never experienced up to that point. For the first time in my life, I felt heard in a way I had never been heard before. I feel incredibly grateful for the tokens of knowledge, inspiration, hope, belonging, and unity I was able to walk away with at the end of four very long and very powerful days working and interacting with so many wonderful people.

The Tipping Point

As we arrived on location to film our segment at Embody Costa Rica time stopped. Suddenly all my anxious energy seemingly disappeared, almost as if it had never existed. As a person who suffers with C-PTSD (Chronic Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) my thoughts are almost always racing. Imagine your mind constantly mapping out future “what if” scenarios with no way of turning it off. That’s what it’s like living with chronic trauma. Your conscious self knows better, but the subconscious mind will not allow you to let your guard down because the perceived risk is too great. It is exhausting to the point that it can be crippling at times. But the moment we stepped from our transport and into the care of Hemalayaa and DTO somehow my subconscious was finally able to believe that it was okay to just BE. I spent the next several hours immersed in the comfort and peace of experiencing what it feels like to allow myself to fully take in a moment for what it is instead of constantly scanning it for possible threats.

My time spent at Embody Costa Rica and later with Hemalayaa and DTO on set was the tipping point I never saw coming. Finally, I could leave my anxious thoughts behind and begin to believe that not only was healing possible, but that I was worthy of that healing.

Filming this series changed everything about how I perceive life, both the physical and spiritual. I was able to walk away with the strength to speak up for myself, to educate my daughters about their bodies, and to more effectively communicate what I’m going through with my doctors, husband and friends in a way that leaves me feeling validated and heard. I think the biggest shift for me was going from settling for less than I deserve to not only believing but KNOWING that I am not a lost cause. I am not this frail, unfortunate and broken individual who just can’t catch a break. I am strong, I am determined, and I will never give up on advocating for myself and for all women and men going through significant life transitions, whether that be perimenopause, menopause, andropause or anything else that is life altering. It is something I hope viewers will be able to walk away from watching this series as well. WE are in control of writing our own story, and nobody else.

Since The Show

Since filming I have made many significant changes to my lifestyle and sought several alternative treatments and interventions to continue down my path to full healing. Immediately after filming I moved halfway across the country to live in a cleaner and more peaceful environment. One where I can be free from the trauma and flashbacks caused by living in a place that held so many painful memories. Where I can allow myself to be more in touch with my spiritual side and take in the beauty of the world surrounding me. I have finally allowed myself to be a priority. No more saving the day for everyone else to the detriment of my own mental and physical wellbeing. I explored and completed an IV Ketamine, KAP (Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy), and TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) protocol to treat my lingering C-PTSD and severe depressive mood disorder symptoms with great success. I went on to work with a gut and microbiome specialist for 4 months to complete a mold and parasite detox and histamine protocol to further improve my GI symptoms, joint pain and hormonal deficiencies which was very successful. I can finally eat a variety of foods without suffering the usual debilitating consequences that I had previously faced for decades, and my night sweats have drastically decreased in frequency. I will also soon be working with a BHRT specialist to further address the perimenopause symptoms that I continue to face.

As I continue through this journey, I find myself entering each day with renewed hope and determination to not only survive but to thrive. I am not the broken woman I thought I was before filming this series. I am strong, passionate, empathetic, loving, and worthy of discovering my best self.