Deep Dive: Using Toys and Novel Ideas to Rekindle the Fire in Your Relationship

When sex stalls in a relationship, it can feel like a weight that both partners are carrying. The natural spark that once existed between them may have dulled under the pressures of daily life—stress, parenting, work, or simply the monotony that creeps in over time. However, when a relationship hits a dry spell in terms of intimacy, it doesn’t have to spell the end of the road. In fact, many couples find that introducing new elements—such as sex toys, role-play, or other creative ideas—can breathe new life into their sex life, reigniting passion and helping them rediscover each other in a fresh, exciting way.

But the prospect of adding toys or changing sexual dynamics can feel intimidating or uncomfortable for some. Is it okay to use toys in a relationship? Will it change the intimacy between partners in a negative way? How can we embrace the idea of spicing things up without feeling awkward or insecure?

In this expanded section, let’s delve deeper into how the introduction of toys, novelty, and other techniques can help revitalize intimacy and make sex feel fresh, exciting, and meaningful once again.

Why Toys and Novelty Can Revive Passion

1. Breaking the Routine: The Importance of Novelty
   As humans, we are wired to enjoy novelty. Our brains are attracted to newness—especially when it comes to sex. Novel experiences can help reawaken excitement and provide a jolt of dopamine, the chemical in the brain that regulates pleasure. When sex becomes routine, it can feel mechanical, and passion may start to fade. Introducing sex toys or experimenting with different activities can provide that rush of novelty, sparking renewed excitement and passion. Research supports this: a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that couples who incorporated novelty into their sex life—whether through role-playing, using toys, or exploring new positions— reported higher levels of satisfaction and intimacy. The key is to move away from the “same old, same old” and create new, stimulating experiences that re-establish the emotional and physical connection between partners.
2. Boosting Communication and Comfort in the Relationship
   Using toys and other playful activities isn’t just about enhancing physical pleasure—it can also help partners communicate better and reconnect emotionally. Introducing something new can serve as a non-threatening way to open the lines of communication about desires and boundaries. This process often leads to deeper conversations about what each partner enjoys and values in the relationship. As awkward as it may feel at first, it can also be deeply bonding. According to sex expert Dr. Laura Berman, “Using toys and other props in the bedroom can be a great way to engage in healthy conversations about sex and desires. It forces couples to break out of their comfort zones and talk openly about what excites them, what works, and what doesn’t.”

Many people feel that toys are only meant for individuals who are single or in long-distance relationships, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Couples can benefit immensely from introducing toys into their dynamic, as it’s a shared experience that can bring a new level of intimacy and pleasure that didn’t exist before.

Types of Toys to Reignite the Spark When it comes to toys, there’s no one-size-fits-all. Each couple is different, and so is each individual’s sexual preferences. Here are a few types of toys and ideas that can be used to enhance intimacy and spice things up:

1. Vibrators
   Vibrators are among the most commonly used and versatile toys. Whether it’s a clitoral vibrator, a rabbit vibrator, or a couples’ vibrator that stimulates both partners, vibrators can add intense sensations to a sexual experience. For couples, using a vibrator together can be a way to share intimacy while introducing a new level of pleasure. Tip: Mutual Exploration – Start by exploring what feels good for both of you. You can use a vibrator on yourself first to discover how you like it, then share that knowledge with your partner. Vibrators can also be used during foreplay or penetration, increasing pleasure for both partners.
2. BDSM and Bondage Gear
   For couples seeking a bit of excitement and adventure, BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) toys—like blindfolds, restraints, whips, and sensory play tools—can help tap into new dimensions of power play and vulnerability. Many couples report that exploring the dynamics of dominance and submission adds an emotional connection that heightens sexual experiences.

Tip: Slow Exploration – If BDSM is new territory, start slow. A simple blindfold or restraint set can help increase anticipation and arousal. Set clear boundaries, and make sure to communicate openly during the process. Establishing a safe word ensures that both partners feel safe and can enjoy the experience.

3. Lingerie and Costumes
   While not technically a “toy,” lingerie and costumes can serve as powerful props that evoke confidence and excitement. Wearing something that makes you feel sexy or embodying a new character can add an element of role-play to the mix, giving you the freedom to step out of your usual roles and explore new fantasies. Tip: Transformative Power – Sometimes, all it takes is a lingerie set or a fun costume to make one partner feel more desirable. If you’ve always been hesitant about lingerie, try starting with something simple that makes you feel comfortable yet seductive.
4. Kegel Balls and Pelvic Health Devices
   While not traditionally associated with “spicing things up,” kegel balls or pelvic health devices can have a profound effect on a woman’s sexual pleasure and confidence. These devices, designed to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, not only promote better sexual health but can also increase sensation and pleasure during intercourse. Tip: Combine Health and Pleasure – If you’re looking for a way to improve your physical health and enhance your sexual pleasure, consider integrating pelvic floor exercises into your routine. This doesn’t just have to be about strengthening muscles—it’s about building a stronger connection with your body.

How to Bring the Spark Back: Beyond Toys
Sex toys are just one piece of the puzzle. There are plenty of other ways couples can reconnect and revitalize their sex life, without necessarily reaching for toys or props. Here are some additional strategies for reigniting intimacy:

1. Schedule Intimacy (and Make It Special)
   In busy relationships, especially with young children or demanding jobs, intimacy may fall by the wayside. Sometimes the best way to get back on track is to schedule it—but with a twist. Instead of just saying, “Let’s have sex tonight,” create an experience. Plan a special date night, dress up, light candles, or take a warm bath together. Create an atmosphere that encourages connection and intimacy.

Tip: Set the Scene – Try a romantic evening where you both turn off your phones and focus on each other. Creating an intentional space where intimacy can happen without distractions can go a long way in reigniting desire.

2. Explore Fantasy Play and Role-Playing
   Fantasies can be an important part of sexual intimacy, and bringing them to life through role-playing can be both fun and liberating. Explore different scenarios where you and your partner can switch up your usual dynamics. Maybe it’s acting out a fantasy you’ve both shared, or perhaps it’s pretending to meet each other for the first time. Tip: Get Playful – Pick a theme you both find exciting, whether it’s a teacher/student scenario, a boss/employee dynamic, or even a simple doctor/patient role-play. Start slow and communicate throughout, ensuring that both partners are comfortable.
3. Create Space for Vulnerability
   Emotional vulnerability plays a huge role in intimacy. Often, when the physical connection falters, it’s because one or both partners feel emotionally distant. Take the time to connect on a deeper level by sharing your innermost thoughts, fears, and desires. It’s not just about talking about sex—it’s about being open to one another emotionally. When partners feel secure in their emotional connection, the physical bond is more likely to follow.

Rebuilding Intimacy Together
When sex stalls in a relationship, it can feel like a major disconnect. However, the process of reigniting the spark doesn’t have to be intimidating or awkward. Whether through the introduction of sex toys, role-playing, or simply making time for each other emotionally, couples can reignite passion and rebuild intimacy from a foundation of trust, communication, and mutual desire. The key is to take the pressure off, enjoy the process, and approach it with an open mind and heart. Intimacy is about more than just the physical act of sex—it’s about reconnecting, communicating, and rediscovering what made you fall in love with each other in the first place.